It’s a tale as old as time.Bethesdaand buggy games have been a duo within the gaming industry as long as I can remember, working in tandem to bring you games that are as brilliant and huge in scope as they are comically broken. When you buy a Bethesda game, you know from the outset what you are signing up for. The game will likely be a wonderful open-world spectacle, but that comes with the important caveat that the world will be filled with a whole load of jank.
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War Never Changes.
Some of these bugs lead to soft locks, game-breaking crashes, and generally, a whole lot of frustration. Sometimes the bugs are so amusing and surreal that they actually add to the experience, however, leading to Bethesda claiming them as “features, not bugs.” So in a bid to try and see the funny side of Bethesda’s hap-hazard design practices, we have compiled a list of the weirdly wonderful bugs that Bethesda has gifted us down the years.
10Super-Strong Giants
I Can See My House From Here
Let’s start with one that Bethesda actually intended to keep in the game. When you first playedSkyrimback in 2011, you know, before all the re-releases. You’ll probably have been roaming the land and happened upon a Giant Camp. These are usually areas with Mammoths, Giants and a chest full of goodies. So, if you’re like me, and your hubris got the better of you, then you might have charged at the Giant with your Rusty Iron Axe, and, well, the results are either the most immersion-breaking thing ever, or the funniest thing ever, depending on your disposition toward silliness.
The Giant will swing their club, likely killing you in one hit, but the physics engine converts this damage output into momentum, and the Giant effectively bounces you like a basketball, launching you into the stratosphere. In such a grounded medieval fantasy setting, this feels so out of place, but you can’t deny that it’s bloody hilarious and teaches you the hard way not to mess with Giants until you’re at a higher level.
9Item Duplication
As DJ Khalid Says: “Another One”
This one may not be as comical as some others, but it’s a glitch that has pretty much made it into every single Bethesda open-world game to date, and one that generally trivializes the game, as with the power of item duplication, you can stack cash with ease, create as many unique items as you like, and naturally, can create infinite wheels of cheese to fill NPC’s houses with a lovely, pungent aroma.
This was one that I personally used to great effect withinThe Elder Scrolls V: Skyrimby duplicating the Oghma Infinium, a book that, if duplicated, then allowed you to raise your in-game level to maximum in mere minutes. They eventually patched this issue, but it was a great little workaround while it lasted. The possibilities for chaos with item duplication are endless, and it seems that even after multiple inclusions, Bethesda keeps making the same mistake.
8Chicken Police Force
The Grey Fox Has Eyes and Ears Everywhere
As much as we all like to get up on our high horse and pretend to be saints of the realm we inhabit in Bethesda games. Whether that be by taking the plaudits as the Hero of Kvatch or shooting Mr Burke in the head instead of blowing up Megaton inFallout 3.Despite these admittedly good things, we all do morally questionable things in Bethesda games, and when we do, there’s usually someone on hand to scream “You’ve violated the law!”
In a comical turn of events, however, after many players visitedSkyrim’sopening village, Riverwood, they found that despite committing crimes with not a soul in sight, the crimes were always getting reported. Well, it turns out that the Chickens were being little narcs and reporting your crimes to the guards. So next time you see any poultry running around, send a hearty ‘Fus Ro Dah’ their way, as they aren’t to be trusted.
7Skull Purses
About As Metal As It Gets
Being a part of the emo collective in my youth, I could always get behind some dark and twisted fashion accessories, but in the case of pretty much all BethesdaFalloutgames, being able to use a corpse as a clutch bag takes the biscuit every time. Many players will know that the term ‘Over-encumbered’ is as much of a burden on you as it is on the player character, and this is a signal to drop some items if you want to keep moving around freely.
There are lots of ways to get around this, though, such as boosting your strength stat or popping some Buffout, but if you don’t have that option, you’re able to always shoot off a corpse’s head, store all your items in their inventory, and then carry the head around with you. They act as a portable pack-mule, and you look clinically insane as you carry your head around the wasteland, which can be a helpful deterrent. I mean, honestly, who fights a guy carrying a severed head around?
6The Puddle Glitch
I Think You Dropped Something, Mister!
Starfieldis a lot of things, but for me, it’s just proof that even after decades of making AAA video games, Bethesda still isn’t capable of creating a game without some sort of insane glitch that trivializes the difficulty. If you head to Akila City inStarfieldand head to Shepard’s General Store. Outside, you’ll see a puddle, and if you go into third-person mode, crouch down and get the angle just right, you’ll be able to access the Vendor’s inventory for this store and effectively print money.
It’s no big secret that developers tend to hide in-game assets needed for areas of the game within the cell used to build the environment, but in most cases, the developers have the good sense to hide them way off in the distance, far from the boundaries of the in-game map. But, in their infinite wisdom, Bethesda thought that a puddle would do the trick. Everyone, do a slow clap for Bethesda; they earned it.
5The NPCs Of Oblivion
My Goodness, You Look Positively Radiant!
It may be harsh to label the whole NPC cast as a bug, but in my defense, their behavior is so erratic it might as well be a bug. I cannot in good conscience just choose one glitch to represent the amazing emergent car crash that thisOblivion’sRadiant AI. To give it props, for the time, it was a revelation and made the Imperial City and beyond feel alive and interesting. But, years later, it shows its age and has been responsible for some of the most comical NPC interactions in gaming history.
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So, I’ll surmise a few of my favorites. There’sthe iconic ‘Farewell’ encounterwith Fithraegar. The equally outstanding slapstick comedy moment ‘Been Better, How About You.’ or the brilliance of’I Love Dogs.' I could list these awkward NPC encounters until the cows come home, and that’s because there are so many little bugs and quirks tied to their code that every playthrough is a new opportunity for NPC-based tomfoolery. So, I urge you to visit Cyrodill and witness your own personal brand of Oblivion NPC stupidity.
The Art Of Stealth Is Alive And Well
We have seen some truly masterful examples of stealth mechanics within gaming. From the sneaky skills of Corvo inDishonored, to the more stupid but effective examples, such as Solild Snake slinking about in a box withinMGS. But, if you’re in the market for silly stealth, thenSkyrimmay just take the cake here, because if you have a basket handy, then the contents of anyone’s home are as good as yours.
That’s right, with the aid of a wicker basket, you can steal everything and anything from an NPC’s home, because if you place the basket on their head, it breaks their line of sight, and they will then sit idly by as you ransack their home. It’s a wonderfully effective way to steal and fence stolen goods to the Thieve’s Guild and the NPC in question gets a lovely new hat, so everyone wins.
3Re-animating Corpses
Death Is Not The End
In games likeThe Elder Scrolls, you’re able to use spells to re-animate the dead and have them fight in your stead. Just to be clear, this is not what I mean. In pretty much every Bethesda game, the behavior of corpses has been erratic at best, and these lifeless bodies tend not to be all the lifeless when they take a dirt nap. I’ve personally seen enemies ragdoll in door frames and stretch out across the expanse of the map like spaghetti. The best corpse glitches, however, are when the bodies decide that death is not the end of their story.
There are endless examples of this, but the best one to showcase my point is, by far,this one, which showcases a break-dancing space pirate in Starfield. It proves that pirates will steal anything, and that includes the show. Any Bethesda game will treat you to insane corpse physics, but thanks to the low-gravity physics inStarfield, the corpse physics in that game is just chef’s kiss
2NPC Power Armor
In Soviet Russia, Power Armor Wears You
Power Armor is such a valuable resource in the Fallout games, especially inFallout 4,as this will allow you to brave the radiation of The Glowing Sea, and will even allow you to take to the skies if you get the right upgrade. But here’s a question for you. Have you ever considered what happens to a character’s model when they step into these suits? Probably not, because why would you? In some cases, however, when an NPC opts to wear the armor, but the armor is not present for whatever reason, they will become a deformed mess.
Their body will contort to the shape of the Power Armor, with elongated limbs and huge broad shoulders, and it’s as hilarious as it is disturbing. It’s kind of like the stance a little kid takes when they stand before you to exclaim with pride that they have pooped their pants. It’s something that Bethesda never intended you to see, but as is often the case with Bethesda, it happened anyway.
1Land Swimming
Physics Be Damned!
As someone who can’t swim, I’ve always been a touch jealous of those water baby types that can swim for miles with the grace of an aquatic creature. Never have I been more jealous of those who can swim, however, than the NPCs within Bethesda games that defy physics to swim on land and breaststroke their way through the air with style and finesse.
That’s right, in most, if not all, Bethesda games that include bodies of water, you’ll find that NPCs will often emerge from the water but carry on their swimming animation, essentially floating through the air akin to a cartoon character as they follow the wafting scent of a fresh pie. I can’t tell you how immersion-breaking it is to head to a city to sell my wares, only to see someone doing their daily lengths of the pool, using the city as their waterless pool. But in fairness, if I could, I would, so more power to them.
